Tag: rules

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who bakes too many Christmas cookies?

Donna Chandler

My rule, in the past,was that a broken cookie had no calories because the calories all fell of the break. I was so happy to run across a whole list of rules on Facebook and feel this knowledge should be shared with all Christmas cookie lovers:

Christmas Cookie Rules…

  1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.  However, calories are units of heat so wait for them to cool, there will no calories.
  2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
  3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your friend’s first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also.  It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
  4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
  5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
  6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter.  Make more red ones!
  7. Cookies eaten while watching “Miracle on 34th Street” have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
  8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
  9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories because the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING
  10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It’s a rule!

So, enjoy those Christmas Cookies – we get them only this time of year!

EDITOR’S NOTE: We are both writers.  Please check us out at:

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Uncategorized

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who has a list of do’s and don’ts in their head?

Donna Chandler

Donna’s Do’s and Dont’s

I have a lengthly list of items I’ve put together over the years. Here a just a few (perhaps I’ll add more from time to time.)

1.   A kiss is required after each ‘I love you.’

2. The 5 second rule states that if a treat (cookies, etc.) falls on the floor, as long as you get it picked up within 5 seconds, it hasn’t gathered any germs and  can be eaten.

3.   Calories fall out of broken cookies/cakes/pies/etc.

4.   Any baked goods on the Sale Rack have lost their calories.

5.   Birthday cakes absolutely do NOT contain calories.

6.   When a couple is walking, the man should walk closest  to the street.

7.   Do NOT talk to someone when they are in the bathroom.

8.   Always be on time. If you’re going to be late, STAY HOME.

9.   We only have so many heartbeats, don’t waste them on exercise.

10. Do not go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.