Author: Donna Chandler

I have always been able to close my eyes and fall asleep within seconds and once asleep, there’s no waking me. I will probably sleep through the Second Coming.

My sweetheart, on the other hand, has trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep each night. He actually has the nerve to tell me that I snore. I know that can’t possibly be true. He must just be teasing me. I sleep too peacefully to snore.

Some nights he will give me a little nudge and when I finally peel open my eyes, I hear, “Please turn over; you’re snoring right in my face.” So I flip myself over, hear, “Thank,” but an asleep again before I hear the ‘You’. Of course he says that I pick right back up mid-snore but I don’t believe him.

Maybe I’m dreaming that I’m a motorcycle or a race car? But I know for sure I AM NOT SNORING.

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Gram use’ta say

“Don’t just pursue happiness,
CHASE IT DOWN!”

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You know what I’m talking about. You’re in a nice restaurant when the server says, “Are you ready to order, Dear?” “Would you like a refill on your soda, Honey?” At my last dental visit I became ‘Baby Girl’.  Talk about setting my teeth on edge! I momentarily wondered   what the penalty would be if I bit down on those fingers in my mouth.

When did it become good customer service to call you customer, client, patient, endearing names?

I am pushing hard at 70 years old and I do not appreciate the young server or the dental hygienist, both who are still wet behind the ears calling me Honey or Sweetie. My parents gave me a perfectly good name and if a stranger wants to add personal service, call me by my name.

The familiarity of using ‘pet names’ that your sweetheart might use, to me, is neither respectful nor professional.

(I’m just sayin’)

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Gram use’ta say

“I’m from Kentucky,
land of beautiful horses and fast women.”

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My family had just moved into our new home. The neighborhood had plenty of little boys for our 5 year-old son to play with and one little girl. The boys were always leaving her out of their games. I had no idea why this cute little child was so avoided, not only by the gang of boys, but also the adults. It didn’t take me long to learn though, and soon I was as guilty as everyone else.

This small child had the eyes of an eagle. She would spot me every single time I went into my backyard to hang the laundry out. In a flash, she would be by my side chattering away. She could talk faster and ask more questions than any living being. She would trail right along behind me, taking non-stop. By the time the clothes were hung and I had gotten myself back indoors my head was splitting and I was exhausted just from listening to the constant chatter.

We had moved to this bigger home in hopes of having a second child. After each encounter with Little Miss Chatterbox, I would think, “I can’t imagine how that mother stays sane. If I had a child like that I’d be sitting in the corner of a padded cell, weaving baskets, before the first week was up.”

I DID finally get pregnant and God decided that it would be absolutely hilarious to present me with a baby girl who would put Little Miss Chatterbox to shame. Of course, in the beginning I hadn’t yet realized that such a joke had been played.
Our tiny little girl was the perfect baby. She ate, slept, never fussed and seldom cried. THEN she learned to talk! Actually our daughter didn’t learn to talk, she learned to debate, lecture, and ask questions.

I remember one day in particular that she was tagging along behind my every step. We had dinner, the dishes were cleaned up and a nice, relaxing bubble bath was sounding awfully good to me. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, I made my escape to the bathroom.

I had no sooner eased my tired body down into the warm water, when she materialized, as if by magic. I interrupted the story she had launched into and said, “Heather, I’m awfully tired. I’d like to have a few minutes of quiet to relax. Whatever you need to tell me can wait until I’ve finished with my bath.”
That brought about several minutes of discussion because she felt that what she had to say could NOT wait. It was IMPORTANT and must be said right then. But I stood, or rather sat, firm and insisted that she leave the bathroom and I would talk with her when I finished.

I made my bath last as long as possible. The water got cold, my skin got wrinkly and I knew I had to go face the music, or rather the chatter. When I was wrapped in my warm robe and opened the bathroom door, there she was, sitting in the floor as close to the door as she could get.

With a sigh I said, “Ok, Heather, what was so important that you needed to tell me?”

She looked at me with a serious expression on her face and said, “Oh I don’t remember —- but I’m telling you right now, I’m not growing hair down there when I get old!”

She was so serious. I tried not to laugh and just said, “I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to stop it. It’s part of growing up.”

She drew herself up, clinched her little fists and announced, “Well, you just wait and see. THAT is not going to happen to me” and she stomped off to her room to sulk.

Right then and there I realized that the baby making gods had given me exactly the right Little Miss Chatterbox.

(The complete story of Little Miss Chatterbox can be found in Life Happens (My Story).  See our Books page.)

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Gram use’ta say

“Never talk to someone through a closed bathroom door.
They’re busy!!!”

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It’s true, if I became tasked with raising a child at the age I am now, it would not be pretty. As forgetful as I am, I may find that one day I’d loaded my groceries in the car and left the child behind in the cart – you know, like you do sometimes with a carton of soda. It’s also likely I wouldn’t have the energy for all the birthday parties, school events and sports. A perfect example of behavior that would likely bring on an aneurism today is explained below.

Our second child, Heather, was the picture of an angel. Big innocent blue eyes, blonde hair that she liked to wear in braids, and the sweetest smile you were ever likely to see. But behind that baby face, behind those big blue eyes beneath that pretty blonde hair, was a tiny little devil, just waiting for the right time to strike.

When she was three we found her on the roof of our home with her Pooh Bear tucked under her arm, singing and carrying on a conversation with Pooh. Terrified that she would fall or run from us, we talked her back inside, pushed a small chest of drawers under the window and removed the table she had used to stand on to get out of the window.

Not enough – she used the drawers of the chest as a ladder. Again terror – and thankfully no child abuse, even though it was certainly tempting. The window was nailed shut. Problem solved! At least THAT problem, on THAT day, but our little Heather would never be a boring child. Every day was an adventure, both for her AND FOR US!

Today she is a strong independent young woman and we laugh together when we remember some of the antics that nearly drove her parents over the edge.

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Gram use’ta say

“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

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We live in a time of fascinating technology. We’re not quite equal to The Jetson’s with flying cars but what we do have is amazing. Smartphones alone have become a necessity in most homes. What did we do when didn’t have access to the thousands of apps that enhance our lives? With a simple command to Alexa we turn on a light or a fan or even our TV without moving a muscle. Doorbells will video anyone walking near the door.

When we search our phone or ask Alexa questions, is Big Brother taking note? Someone is for sure. Have you ever searched for the price of an item on line and then the next time you check your Facebook page, up pops an advertisement for that exact item? It certainly can be disconcerting to us older folks and we wonder, “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

Recently a county deputy gave a presentation to our community on safety and security. One especially interesting portion of his talk explained that our county sheriffs’ department has partnered with the Ring Doorbell Company. If a crime occurs in our neighborhood, a deputy will contact all of the nearby neighbors with Ring Doorbells and ask permission to view their Ring video. Once permission is granted a call by the deputy to ‘Ring’ opens up ‘The Cloud’ and law enforcement can see everyone who passed near our doors, helping them to identify suspects that were in the area at the time of the crime.

Is Big Brother watching? Particularly in the case just mentioned it is definitely a GOOD thing.

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Gram use’ta say

“A ringing phone often brings news, good or bad,
that can change your life forever.”

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