Blog

By: Donna Hale Chandler

My daughter was born three weeks before I turned 30 years old.  (which was a VERY long time ago) I always felt like I was an ‘older’ mom than her friend’s mothers so I made an extra effort to keep abreast of the times, the fads, and what was going on in the world around us.  When she was a young teen-ager, tanning booths became the big rage.  Since we lived in Michigan at the time with pretty short summers, getting that golden tan was pretty near impossible the natural way —— which of course was baking yourself on a blanket in your back yard slathered with baby oil.

The new improved painless tan came from tanning booths.  In mere minutes each day you could look like you just returned from a long vacation in the tropics.  AND just having a nice tan was not enough.  You also wanted to have NO tan lines.  How was this accomplished you may ask.  Yep, just the way you’re thinking.

Before putting my Tanning Plan into action, I sought the advice of my young daughter.  She’d been going to the tanning salon for several weeks and knew the ins and outs.  For a 40 something year old mother to be taking tips from a 13 year old didn’t seem at all strange to me at the time.  But when raising children, parents learn a new lesson most every day and how to tan in a tanning booth was quite the lesson for me.

After asking several general questions about how this all worked, how long to stay in, how often to go, etc., the important question came last.  “What do you wear while tanning at the salon?”

Thirteen-year-old answer, “Nothing.”

Uninformed Mom, “What?  Nothing?  Is there a lock on the door?  Nothing?  Are you sure?”

Teen-ager, “Of course, I’m sure.  You can get tan lines if you want and wear a bathing suit or even your undies but it’s best to wear nothing.  It’s only like 4 minutes at a time, Mom.  You can be naked for 4 minutes.  No one will see you.  The door is locked and the ‘lid’ is down on the booth.  You’re safe.”

Not wanting to be a stick-in-the-mud, I made my first appointment and took my nervous self to the salon.  Once inside the tanning room, I checked the door several times before I was convinced it was locked, realized that the timer had already been activated from outside that door somewhere and my minutes were quickly ticking away.  I didn’t want to waste a single second because it was hard for me to imagine that 4 minutes would result in a tan.  I had barely laid down and pulled the top toward me when time was up and it was time for me to dress and leave.

As I dressed I realized that the heels of my feet were a bit burned.  I’d need to remember to do something about that when I visited again.  First thing to do — ask that intelligent child of mine what she does about her heels.  Apparently, she thought I must have especially tender heels because she never had a heel burning problem.

The next time I went, I was still puzzled and knew I couldn’t lay there even if it was only 4 minutes with my heels raised from the surface.  As I undressed I realized that my bra would make the perfect cups for my heels.  Yep, I tanned with my heels in my bra cups and actually ended up laying my underpants under my butt as that was pretty tender too.

Sometimes I would be pretty confident that I was a modern woman.  Other times I’d giggle at that the thought of someone seeing me with my heels resting in bra cups and my rear end lying on a pair of panties.  But I had a tan with 0 tan lines (pale heels and butt, but who’s checking)  

Live and learn and laugh at the memories.

*********

Gram use’ta say

“Live your life is such a manner as to allow your friends to have lots of funny stories to tell long after you’re gone.”

*********

From The Hints Book Almanac
By Donna Hale Chandler and Richard Lee King

USES FOR ALUMINUM FOIL, cont’d

13. Oven – Keep messy drips off the bottom of your oven by laying a sheet or two of aluminum foil over the rack below.  CAUTION – lining the bottom of the oven could cause a fire.
14. Furniture, protection – Place a piece of aluminum foil on the seat cushions.  After one attempt at sitting down on the noisy surface, your pet will no longer consider this a comfortable place for a nap.
15. Scissor sharpening – Fold aluminum foil into several layers and start cutting.  Seven or eight passes should do the trick.

*********

About: Selecting a mate

“Beauty don’t keep ya warm
& it damn shore won’t feed ya.”

(Lessin yer a pimp.)

Time just simply had gotten away from me and suddenly I realized that it has been months since my last posting to this blog. I’ve been working very hard on a new book which is getting close to completion, but we’ve still got cover design work to complete, so it’s liable to be several more months before we’re ready to send it to the printer.

Add in frequent visits to various doctors, both Sweetie’s and mine,  the holidays, tax time and suddenly you begin to realize that the weeks have turned into months.

Anyway, I’m posting again, but it will probably be less frequently than when we first started this blog.  I don’t have as much to say these days as I did in days past.

 ********

THE GOOD OLD DAYS
©By:  Richard L. King
From the book Memories & Time

Memories from the past, rarely dead and gone,
just keep comin back, in words of country songs.

lots of those memories, truly weren’t that great,
some things from those days, he didn’t really appreciate.

Yes, some of the more fond memories, he misses a lot,
but that old two hole crapper, ain’t a fond one he’s got.

Then the Sears catalog, served its most valued purpose,
though not the glossy pages, they were next to worthless.

We couldn’t afford to buy, the things we saw in its pages
cause other bills ate up most of our “Old Man’s” wages.

He don’t miss that old well, where they pumped their water
or the electric heater they used, to make the water hotter.

He don’t miss the galvanized tub, where they took their baths,
six of them, but only one tub, you can do the math.

He don’t miss cuttin wood, nor the splittin of it either,
don’t miss carryin it in, guess he never caught that fever.

He don’t miss killin chickens, to put food on the table,
or pickin their stinkin feathers, soon as he was able.

He don’t miss hand me downs, coats two sizes too big,
or that old home brew, but he’d sure like one more swig.

He don’t miss hayin season, pants with the knees all worn
and he don’t miss mendin the fence nor the shockin of corn.

He don’t miss sloppin the hogs, certainly not diggin taters,
don’t miss pickin pickles, or cannin all those tamaters.

His memories of the old days, are really very chancy,
much about those days, never really caught his fancy.

*********

Gramps use’ta say
R.L.King2012 #326

About: Education

 “It’s a proven fact,
you learn much faster
with your mouth shut.”

By:  Donna Hale Chandler

My life began as the daughter of a coal miner in West Virginia and never in my seventy something years did I dream of being a writer. I would write little rhymes for special occasions, but I never considered them anything other than a momentary grin.

Then, something happened in 2009 which set me on a new and different path. I unexpectedly lost my mother. She and I had been through many a crisis together and we each always came through even stronger and closer. We had already lost my dad, my only sibling, and my husband, so along with my two children, Mom and I were the last standing of our small, but closely-knit family.

Several days after saying my final good-bye to my mother, I began the heart-wrenching chore of cleaning out her home. As I packed up clothing, keepsakes that were important to her and other odds and ends, I came across an unusual-looking book in the back of one of her dresser drawers.

When I pulled it out, I remembered many Christmas’s ago when my 10-year old daughter, Heather, had given this book to her Nana. When it was unwrapped and flipped open, my mother looked questioningly at her youngest grandchild. “Heather, the pages are all blank.”

“I know, Nana,” Heather answered, “I want you to write about your life.”

My mother looked even more confused and commented, “What would I write? My life hasn’t been anything extraordinary.”

“I think it probably was, Nana,” her young granddaughter continued. “And I want to know about you before there was me.”

The memory of that Christmas so long ago enveloped me as I sat down and slowly folded back the cover to see page after page filled with my mother’s beautiful handwriting. She had never mentioned that she’d followed through with my daughter’s request. Instead she had quietly written page after page until the book was full of her life, her love and her memories.

It took me hours and hours to read through my tears but I learned so many things about my mother that I never would have known if she hadn’t written it down. I wished that she had shared it with me while she was still alive and decided right then to write about myself so my children would learn who their mother was as she grew up. I also decided that they needed to have it NOW, instead of after my passing.

I know that the book my mother wrote was for her only granddaughter and I told Heather when I found it. She graciously gave me permission to cherish it for a while myself before turning it over to her. I open it often and think about my mother. I hope my daughter and son will open my books when I’m gone and that they’ll have happy memories too.

*********

Gram use’ta say

“Live your life in such a manner as to allow your friends to have lots of funny stories to tell long after you’re gone.”

*********

From The Hints Book Almanac
By Donna Hale Chandler and Richard Lee King
USES FOR ALUMINUM FOIL, cont’d

13. Keep your oven clean – Keep messy drips off the bottom of your oven by laying a sheet or two of aluminum foil over the rack below. DO NOT line the bottom of the oven, this could cause a fire.
14. Keeps pets off your furniture – Place a piece of aluminum foil on the seat cushions. After one attempt at sitting down on the noisy surface, your pet will no longer consider this a comfortable place for a nap.
15. Sharpen your scissors – Fold aluminum foil into several layers and start cutting. Seven or eight passes should do the trick.

*********