AM I THE ONLY ONE …..who fails miserably at trying to keep up with the times?

By: Donna Hale Chandler

My daughter was born three weeks before I turned 30 years old.  (which was a VERY long time ago) I always felt like I was an ‘older’ mom than her friend’s mothers so I made an extra effort to keep abreast of the times, the fads, and what was going on in the world around us.  When she was a young teen-ager, tanning booths became the big rage.  Since we lived in Michigan at the time with pretty short summers, getting that golden tan was pretty near impossible the natural way —— which of course was baking yourself on a blanket in your back yard slathered with baby oil.

The new improved painless tan came from tanning booths.  In mere minutes each day you could look like you just returned from a long vacation in the tropics.  AND just having a nice tan was not enough.  You also wanted to have NO tan lines.  How was this accomplished you may ask.  Yep, just the way you’re thinking.

Before putting my Tanning Plan into action, I sought the advice of my young daughter.  She’d been going to the tanning salon for several weeks and knew the ins and outs.  For a 40 something year old mother to be taking tips from a 13 year old didn’t seem at all strange to me at the time.  But when raising children, parents learn a new lesson most every day and how to tan in a tanning booth was quite the lesson for me.

After asking several general questions about how this all worked, how long to stay in, how often to go, etc., the important question came last.  “What do you wear while tanning at the salon?”

Thirteen-year-old answer, “Nothing.”

Uninformed Mom, “What?  Nothing?  Is there a lock on the door?  Nothing?  Are you sure?”

Teen-ager, “Of course, I’m sure.  You can get tan lines if you want and wear a bathing suit or even your undies but it’s best to wear nothing.  It’s only like 4 minutes at a time, Mom.  You can be naked for 4 minutes.  No one will see you.  The door is locked and the ‘lid’ is down on the booth.  You’re safe.”

Not wanting to be a stick-in-the-mud, I made my first appointment and took my nervous self to the salon.  Once inside the tanning room, I checked the door several times before I was convinced it was locked, realized that the timer had already been activated from outside that door somewhere and my minutes were quickly ticking away.  I didn’t want to waste a single second because it was hard for me to imagine that 4 minutes would result in a tan.  I had barely laid down and pulled the top toward me when time was up and it was time for me to dress and leave.

As I dressed I realized that the heels of my feet were a bit burned.  I’d need to remember to do something about that when I visited again.  First thing to do — ask that intelligent child of mine what she does about her heels.  Apparently, she thought I must have especially tender heels because she never had a heel burning problem.

The next time I went, I was still puzzled and knew I couldn’t lay there even if it was only 4 minutes with my heels raised from the surface.  As I undressed I realized that my bra would make the perfect cups for my heels.  Yep, I tanned with my heels in my bra cups and actually ended up laying my underpants under my butt as that was pretty tender too.

Sometimes I would be pretty confident that I was a modern woman.  Other times I’d giggle at that the thought of someone seeing me with my heels resting in bra cups and my rear end lying on a pair of panties.  But I had a tan with 0 tan lines (pale heels and butt, but who’s checking)  

Live and learn and laugh at the memories.

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Gram use’ta say

“Live your life is such a manner as to allow your friends to have lots of funny stories to tell long after you’re gone.”

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From The Hints Book Almanac
By Donna Hale Chandler and Richard Lee King

USES FOR ALUMINUM FOIL, cont’d

13. Oven – Keep messy drips off the bottom of your oven by laying a sheet or two of aluminum foil over the rack below.  CAUTION – lining the bottom of the oven could cause a fire.
14. Furniture, protection – Place a piece of aluminum foil on the seat cushions.  After one attempt at sitting down on the noisy surface, your pet will no longer consider this a comfortable place for a nap.
15. Scissor sharpening – Fold aluminum foil into several layers and start cutting.  Seven or eight passes should do the trick.

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