Category: Humorous

Family, Humorous

AM I The Only One . . . who dreads making phone calls to any business?

Donna Chandler

By Donna Hale Chandler

It doesn’t matter if it is your doctor’s office or a company to ask for information. Keep your fingers crossed that you aren’t stuck in a never-ending loop when you try to navigate, “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.”

I thought yesterday would be a pretty typical day for me.  I was wrong! First, my laptop was frozen with a message to call Microsoft for instructions as to how to become active again.  The message included an 800 number for me to call for help.  I have gone through a few nonsense messages and strange behaviors from my computer and thankfully, knew enough not to call the phone number given.

I opened my handy dandy book of phone numbers and found a phone number for Microsoft Tech Support.  Thinking I would be back in business in a couple of minutes, I called the number and of course, was met with a menu with a variety of choices.  Tech Support was number 4.  Ah ha, ‘I’m cookin’ with gas’, as my mother used to say.  A voice came on the phone and I quickly explained my situation.

“It’s good you didn’t click on that screen or call that phone number.  This is a scam that has recently been going around.  I’m sorry I can’t help you but I will connect you to someone who can.  Please hold.”

This is where my ‘cookin’ with gas’ mentality turns to severe dread because I knew what was coming next.  Yes, I was disconnected.  Rather than call the same number, I grabbed my phone and googled the ‘Microsoft Tech Help’ phone number.  This produced a list of various numbers for various services.  Looking down through the list, I found Tech Support and quickly called. A recording answered that instructed me to go to Microsoft.com/tech support.  Remember my computer was frozen so I grabbed my phone, opened up Google, typed in the web address, and was taken to a screen that offered different suggestions for different problems.  None of the choices applied to me, but I spotted a chat box.  Wonderful!

I typed in ‘My Computer is Frozen’ as my question.  A ‘bot’ replied.  (I’m sure computer-savvy people have had occasions to deal with the bot.)  I was asked a series of questions.  The reply was, “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that, please call 888———.”

This is a new number for me so I called.  Recording answers with a menu for various situations, then, “For Tech Help please go to Microsoft.com/Tech Support”.  I’d already been there so I decided to call one of the other numbers that was listed in my Google search.  I tried 3 more numbers and each one had the same recording to go to the web page.  Yes, the home of the bot that couldn’t help me.

A light bulb appeared above my head suggesting that I switch tactics and call a local store that offers tech services.  It so happens, we have a service contract with them so I was confident in their ability to clear up this situation.  Why didn’t I think of this first?  Probably because I automatically followed the instructions on the screen that said ‘Call Microsoft’.  I already have this number in my phone, didn’t even need to search for it.  I was feeling pretty positive that I was close to a solution. When the phone was answered, a recording told me the hours they were open and for me to call back during business hours.  Again, my positive attitude tanked as I looked at the time.  It was 9:00 am and the store didn’t open until  10:00.   Dang, a delay.

Determined not to allow myself to get discouraged, I watched the clock and at 10:02, I called the number again.  Guess what?  A real person answered!  Shocking, I know.  He asked several questions.  Then I heard the dreaded, “I am going to transfer you, please hold.”  (sigh) I was doomed.  Surprise, surprise, within a couple of minutes another human being came on the phone.  Naturally, I was asked the same questions again.  It took some time, but I followed the instructions given to me, and finally, about 20 minutes later, I was up and running.

Whew, I felt like I’d already put in a day’s work.

However, once again, all on the same day, I was wrong.

Later in the day, when I turned on the TV, it also was frozen.

That is a story for another day.  I’ll just say that we still don’t have a working television. And I’m exhausted.

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Family, Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO . . . is grateful to live to see 2025

Donna Chandler

Looking back over my 75 years on this earth, I can remember getting my first clothes dryer – no more hanging clothes out on the line, in Michigan, in the winter.  My first microwave was incredible, although my mother told me not to stand too close to it when it was running.

I can also remember:

  1. Cars with no air conditioning – rolling down the window wreaked havoc on the hairstyle
  2. Cars with a standard gear shift – I learned to drive with a Volkswagen Bug.  Dad had to replace the clutch 3 times before finally putting a truck clutch in it.
  3. Cars with headlight dimmer on the floor – was actually pretty handy there
  4. Cars with no window washer fluid – we had to get out of the car and wash our own windows.  (With all the conveniences, I do miss the full-service gas station where your tank was filled, your windows washed, and your oil checked.)
  5. A person, even my children, could be gone for hours with no cell phone – now I literally cannot leave home without it.  It is close to my right hand until I go to bed at night.
  6. And computers!  Wow!  I use my computer for many hours each day. 
  7. I love e-mail but miss getting personal letters in the mail (hand-written thank you notes and birthday greeting cards are nearly a thing of the past.)
  8. No more getting out to play in traffic and struggling with crowds in the store.  Just go to Amazon and order whatever you want.  It usually is delivered to your door the very next day.
  9. Grocery shopping is a breeze these days.  At first, I discovered an app that allowed me to put in my grocery list, plus the name of the store I would be going to, and the list was organized by aisle. 
  10. Even better, now I order the grocery store items online and they are delivered and brought into my home at the time of my choosing.  What could be better than that?
  11. Yesterday, I found a new app that takes my grocery lists and tells me which local store has the better price on each item.
  12. Of course, we can’t forget Alexa.  Alexa reminds us when to take our medications, the date and time of our doctor’s appointments, and when to take the clothes out of the washer/dryer.  She will answer any question we ask and will play our choice of music.  She will turn the lights on or off.  The same with the ceiling fan.  It is amazing all the things she can do that make humans lazier and lazier.
  13. We now have 3 Alexa units and if I am in one room and my other half in a different room, I can ask Alexa to ‘Drop Into the office’ or wherever and we speak to each other without shouting and without getting out of our chair.
  14. The modern conveniences we have compared to 75 years ago are too numerous to list – from smart TVs to cars that park themselves.

I AM LOVING MY LIFE.  What do you love about this modern age and what do you miss?

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Family, Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who learned to drive a car with a standard, also known as a stick shift?

Donna Chandler

A very long time ago, I was 16 and learning to drive.  My parents owned a brand-new red Volkswagen Beetle with a gearshift on the floor. Way back then Driver’s Ed was not offered in schools, nor were there classes that you could pay for and go to away from school. (at least where I lived anyway, which was the great state of Kentucky) This meant one of my parents would have to teach me to drive.  Note:  I have put a dent somewhere on every car I have driven from the age of 16 to 60.  Perhaps I needed more teaching?  Or more learning?

My dad worked long hours at the steel mill so my mother took on this scary chore.  It didn’t help that my mother, in my opinion, was a bit on the bossy side and was hardly subtle with criticisms, which was proven the second time she took me out to drive.  Long story short, within 15 minutes, she had insisted I get out of the car and walk home.  Nothing was ever mentioned again about her being my driving instructor.  She had firmly resigned from that job.

Dad took over and honestly, had the patience of Job.  He at least stuck with me long enough for me to take and pass by driver’s test.  Over the next several months, my dad had to replace the clutch three times.  The last time he put in a truck clutch, hoping it would live through my constant ‘riding the clutch’.  I also did a few doughnuts one rainy day in the middle of the street and slid into an embankment.  I pulled forward, got myself back and the road, and went on home.

I had barely pulled onto the carport when Dad came flying out of the house to see what was going on.  You see, every tailpipe from the VW was lodged firmly in that embankment.  That little car sounded just like an airplane was pulling into the driveway.

At some point the VW disappeared and a car with an automatic shift appeared.  That is another story.  Not having a clutch did not mean that the car was safe when I was driving.

*********

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Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who wants others to volunteer?

Donna Chandler

VOLUNTEER WORK

Thinking that being a volunteer
would be a rewarding way to spend each day,
I ran and was elected to our Condo Board,
For which you receive no pay.

Now I could get involved
in all the policy setting.
I was sure we could make decisions
that our residents wouldn’t be regretting

My phone rang with my first call.
A resident parked in the wrong space.
To some, it was an extreme emergency.
He needed to be put in the proper place.

Other concerns were nearly as important,
unless you feel you’ve been snubbed.
One lady had new plants outside her window,
while her neighbor had nasty old shrubs.

Mr. Fisher had guests for the week-end.
Someone complained the day they arrived.
What was I thinking when I volunteered?
Suddenly, I began to wonder if I’d survive.

Being on the Board of Directors was not a joy,
the complaints to numerous to court,
particularly in a 55+ community.
Of this I’m thoroughly qualified to vouch.

Each day brings a new challenge
with good news or bad to promptly deliver.
Should I decide to volunteer again,
take my temperature to make sure there’s no fever.

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who bakes too many Christmas cookies?

Donna Chandler

My rule, in the past,was that a broken cookie had no calories because the calories all fell of the break. I was so happy to run across a whole list of rules on Facebook and feel this knowledge should be shared with all Christmas cookie lovers:

Christmas Cookie Rules…

  1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.  However, calories are units of heat so wait for them to cool, there will no calories.
  2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
  3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your friend’s first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also.  It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
  4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
  5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
  6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter.  Make more red ones!
  7. Cookies eaten while watching “Miracle on 34th Street” have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
  8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
  9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories because the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING
  10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It’s a rule!

So, enjoy those Christmas Cookies – we get them only this time of year!

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