DISTRACTION
When death takes a loved one, once you get past those dreadful days leading up to the memorial service, you’ll undoubtedly go through a period of mourning. It’s awful! And if you let it, it can drag you down. I now believe, that the key to surviving the various hurts that life puts in your path, is Distraction.
Be it death, divorce, or a bad break-up, you’re likely to go through a period of mourning. It’s a period of time when you just don’t know what to do with yourself. You need to keep your mind occupied. For me, the answer was distraction.
It doesn’t matter what the distraction is, just as long as it helps to keep your mind off the hurt. If you’re lucky, you’ll find that the more time that passes, the less you’ll think about it, and the easier it becomes to find a distraction.
Eventually, you’ll learn to live with your loss, and as the initial hurt gradually recedes, you’ll learn to smile again. Each day will get a little easier, but you have to keep up with your distractions.
When I lost my wife to cancer, I was a wreck. For the first few weeks I just survived. The first time I slept in our bed, without her, was especially miserable. Once we got past her funeral, I really didn’t know where to go to find my distraction, but rather than sit around at home, I went back to work.
Everybody meant well, wanting to say something to help, however, there are only so many ways to express sympathy. And it doesn’t take long, until you’ve heard them all. I was seeking distractions, but all those well wishes, just kept reminding me of my loss. I began to think that coming back to work wasn’t the best thing to do after all, but eventually things got better. Each day, I saw fewer and fewer people who hadn’t already expressed condolences, and the reminders became less frequent.
When I was home, I watched a lot of television. It’s amazing how many situations on television, will remind you of similar situations you’ve been through with your lost loved one. I also listened to lots of music. Same thing, you remember what the two of you were doing, when you hear certain songs. Music turned out to be as much of a reminder, as it was a distraction.
Finally, I began to write about it. And as I wrote, I often cried. I don’t know that it helped, but I don’t recall having cried until I started putting words on paper. It seemed as though the tears helped, and that is the key, you have to believe that you’re getting better.
Far too soon, after the loss of my wife, I began to spend time with a close friend from work. My wife and I, had been on a mixed bowling league, and as her symptoms grew, my work friend had filled in when my wife wasn’t able to bowl. After my wife passed, my friend continued as my partner in the bowling league. She had recently been through a divorce, and for the first time in many years, we were both alone.
I’m not sure that the sense of loss from divorce, and death, are the same. But in both cases, you need distraction, to take your mind off of that sense of loss. I became her distraction, and she became mine. She helped me through some really hurtful times. She allowed me to cry, and at times she cried with me. However, she also taught me how to smile again.
I think we both wanted our relationship to grow into a full-blown love, but that didn’t happen. We had wonderful times together, and helped each other over some difficult times, but eventually we moved on. I will forever be thankful to her for teaching me to live again, and to this day I still think of her as a good friend.
As the years passed, I had other “girlfriends.” Each time there came a parting of ways, it came accompanied by a sense of loss, a hurt that needed to mend. Once again, distraction was needed. I learned that the sooner you “get back on the horse,” the quicker the hurt subsides. However, each time you suffer that type of a loss, it helps to prepare you for the next one.
Eventually I learned that I didn’t have to have a sweetheart in my life to survive, and before I wound up with my permanent sweetie, I spent a good many years living alone. It can be a lonely life, but my writing helped me to pass those lonely hours. Eventually, I began putting some of my writings together and had them published into my first book. Now, all these years later, Sweetie and I have self-published over 25 books. Self-publishing is a time-consuming process which becomes the distraction you need, to take your mind off of any troubles you might be experiencing.
Now days, when I write, it’s for the enjoyment and the entertainment value. My sweetie is now my permanent distraction.
Note: These three Vince Gill songs might be helpful, during your recovery: “I’ve been trying to get over you, Go Rest High on that Mountain, and Nobody Answered, when I called your name.”
Gramps use’ta say
©R.L.King2012 #506
About: Wisdom
“There’s a thin line between
being brave and being stupid.”
And I’m not sure I’ve ever figured it out.
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Am I The Only One 