By: Donna Hale Chandler
No, I’m not talking about my first date as a teenager. My teen years were a VERY long time ago. I’m talking about my first date as a senior citizen. My ‘second’ first date was even more terrifying than my ‘first’ first date.
Almost two years after the death of my husband, I decided to be brave and register on-line with one of those ‘dating sites.’ They’re supposed to be able to find your perfect match. I wasn’t looking for a replacement for my husband. I was simply looking for a gentleman with whom I could occasionally have dinner or maybe with whom I could go out dancing. Basically, I was looking for someone to make me laugh every once in a while.
For quite a while, I was pretty leery about the men who contacted me, but finally I agreed to meet “Jack” for dinner. I was an absolute nervous wreck. Was I going to meet an ax murderer? I told everyone that I knew exactly where I’d be, just in case I should disappear. I wanted them to know where to send the search party.
It was August and I live in Florida. If you haven’t been to Florida in August, just imagine the hottest day you can, then add another 20 degrees.
There was a car show in a nearby town. We roamed along the streets looking at old cars until I thought I’d surely die of heat stroke. Finally he suggested that we find a place for dinner. As long as there was air conditioning and a place to sit down, I was agreeable.
The restaurant that he chose was very nice. They even had real flowers in bud vases on the table and cloth napkins (which of course always says ‘classy joint’). It seemed that it was especially crowded. We were seated at a small table for two near the window. The waiter took our order and we quietly sat there staring into space hoping our food would arrive soon.
Finally our meal was brought to our table. I reached for my glass of Diet Coke to add some moisture to my dry throat just as I heard “Jack” say, “I’m looking for a wife. Are you looking for a husband?”
There’s nothing quite like getting right to the point. I guess he was thinking that at our ages, we don’t have time to wait around for long.
I’m sure it must have been some sort of a spasm, but the next few minutes aren’t very clear in my mind. First, I dropped my drink into my lap, soaking my nice white shorts. The instant that ice cold liquid hit my legs, I leaped up from my seat. This jostled the table and sent his glass of sweet iced tea crashing to the floor, where it broke into hundreds of pieces and sent sticky tea flying in all directions. As I grabbed for one of those nice cloth napkins, I knocked over the bud vase that sat in the middle of the table, spilling icky daisy water into Jack’s plate.
Instantly the entire restaurant was as quiet as church, while all the patrons craned their necks to see what the crazy lady over by the window was doing. Staff came running from all directions, one with a mop, one with a broom for the broken glass, one to usher us away from the destroyed table to a clean dry one and the rest just to ‘appear’ to be helpful.
I was so embarrassed that I had yet to speak. Finally when conversation was once again buzzing around us and the employees had returned to their regular duties, I raised my head to see if Jack was still there. I fully expected that during the confusion he had taken the opportunity to distance himself from this insane lady by fleeing the scene.
Surprisingly he was still there. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, and I seemed to have lost the ability to speak. He calmly picked up his fork and said, “Well, I think I’ll take that as a no.”
Strangest thing, I never did get another dinner invitation from “Jack.” And it was quite a while before I got up the courage to try this dating business again.
I was concerned that I just might not survive a THIRD first date.
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Gram use’ta say
“Red meat is not bad for you,
Green fuzzy meet, now that’s what’s bad for you.”
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From The Hints Book Almanac
By Donna Hale Chandler and Richard Lee King
THE USES FOR ALUMINUM FOIL
1. Baking, piecrust – For a perfect piecrust, keep the edges of your homemade pies from burning by covering them with strips of aluminum foil. The foil prevents the edges from getting overdone while the rest of your pie gets perfectly browned.
2. Baking, cake pans – Create special shaped cake pans – Make a teddy bear birthday, a Valentine’s Day heart cake, a Christmas tree cake, or whatever shaped cake the occasion may call for. Just form a double thickness of heavy-duty aluminum foil into the desired shape inside a large cake pan.
3. Cooking, brown sugar – To restore hardened brown sugar to its former powdery glory, chip off a piece, wrap it in aluminum foil, and bake it in the oven at 300 degrees F for five minutes. (watch for more aluminum foil tips)
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Am I The Only One 