Category: Humorous

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who has this feature on their car.

Donna Chandler

THE AMAZING TURN SIGNAL

In this modern day and time,
every car is equipped with this invention.
It lets those behind you
know of your intention.

Look to the left of the stirring column.
You’re sure to easily find it.
It may be small but it’s not hidden
Push it up and down, try it out for a bit.

It won’t hurt you I promise.
Down means left, up means right.
Drivers behind you will see the result
and be pleased with such a wonderful sight.

Avoid the cost of car repair
by using this easy-to-find lever.
Other drivers on the roads will be amazed
and know that you are ever so clever.

That’s the end of today’s lesson
Be safe on our highways and streets
Be considerate of other by using that signal
They’ll thank you for such a unique treat.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We are both writers. Please check us out… Kindle versions of our books are available at only 99 cents.

amazon.com/author/richard-lee-king
amazon.com/author/donnachandler

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . .who suffers from road rage when grocery shopping?

Donna Chandler

To recognize that we have been posting to this blog for 5 years, I am sharing the post I made on 9/1/2018 when we started this journey

CART RAGE
By Donna Hale Chandler

I think we would all benefit from some Grocery Cart Driver’s Training.  Perhaps the following rules could be considered:

  1. Drive your cart on the right side of the aisle, just as you keep your car on the right side of the road (at least I hope you do). If you’re on the wrong side of the aisle and try to play ‘chicken’ with me, you will lose every time.
  2. Do not leave your cart alone, particularly if you’ve parked in slap dab in the middle of the aisle, while you go in search of an item. (My suggestion when you see an abandoned cart is to push it to the next aisle so the owner has to look for it.)
  3. If you are a senior citizen, as I am, do NOT shop on the week-end. This is when working mothers’ are trying to shop for their children’s lunch items.  Seniors, we’ve got all week to grocery shop – stay home on Saturday.
  4. Ladies, leave the hubby home when you shop. Or at least confine him to the car to wait for you.  Ask yourself, is he really helpful?  Does he do anything other than push the cart –down the middle of the aisle, by the way – and stand in the way as you’re examining every ketchup bottle on the shelf?  The line behind you is getting longer while hubby waits for permission for to move on.
  5. Keep your visits short when you run into your neighbor. Go home and chat with them.  People are waiting to get past.  Don’t pretend you don’t see them.

I’m sure the list of Rules for Grocery Cart Driving could be extensive.  Do you have something that you would like to add to the list?  Perhaps we can start up our own school.

P.S. During the Covid Pandemic, I began having groceries delivered. That was 2020. It is now 2023 and I still have gone into a grocery store. I strongly suggest delivery instead of Card Rage.

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . .who sometimes gets angry with my computer?

Donna Chandler

Frazzled does not quite describe the feeling when suddenly your computer goes blank and the sick feeling in your stomach tells you that your work has gone to the Great Unknown Ozone

WHEN WRITING GOES MISSING
By: Donna Chandler

Writing our thoughts and ideas
can be therapeutic and fun.
Some days the words flow quickly.
Some days I feel downright dumb.

I tend to make lots of lists,
a list of ideas, a list of things to do.
If one searched through my computer,
one would find my lists are more than a few.

In my trusty reliable computer
my writing and my lists are safely stored.
Occasionally though hair is pulled and tears flow
when a power glitch erases my work for ever more.

We’ve come a long way from the #2 pencil
and large yellow legal pad.
But when computer gremlins come a calling
those old days don’t seem so bad.

Losing your work to an electric blip
may make you think you’re in pain.
Take a deep breath, grit your teeth,
gather your thoughts and begin again.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We are both writers.  Please check us out… Kindle versions of our books are available at only 99 cents.

amazon.com/author/richard-lee-king/
amazon.com/author/donnachandler

Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE . . . who thinks men, not children, say the darndest things?

Donna Chandler

A few years ago, a new book hit the bookstore shelves and immediately rocketed skyward in popularity. It seems everyone was talking about WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, MEN ARE FROM MARS. Right now, off the top of my head, I can’t think of a truer statement. As a means of proof, I will relate to you just one of the many conversations I’ve had with, Dick, the Light of My Life:

In our early dating days, as we were getting to know each other. We talked a LOT. We talked about our likes and dislikes. We talked about our children and other favorite (or not-so-favorite relatives). We talked about things we did well and things we didn’t do so well.

We both agreed that Cruising was a ‘like’ that we both shared so when friends of ours extended an invitation to go with them on a 5-day cruise to Key West and Cozumel, we quickly joined them in booking and making arrangements for a nice relaxing trip.

One particularly beautiful day, Dick and I were sitting by the pool, continuing to chatter to each other, comparing backgrounds, etc., when I confessed to him that I can’t swim.

Such a look of amazement, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen on anyone’s face as he said, “You can’t swim? Really?”

“Honest, I can’t swim.”

“Why not?” he asked me as if this was a great puzzle that must be solved.

I didn’t realize this subject was going to turn into a serious dilemma that needed in-depth discussion, but I tried to make light of, what he seemed to see as a major flaw in my make-up. “I’m not sure why I can’t swim. When I was young, I took lessons two summers in a row. I guess I’m afraid of the water. I just know that if my feet don’t touch the bottom, I surely will drown.”

Dick appeared very unimpressed with that explanation and confidently announced, “I’m sure you can learn NOW.”

Confused by this answer, I asked, “And what makes a difference NOW?”

Without a second thought, without a hint of realizing what he was saying, he quickly answered, “Well, you’re a lot more BUOYANT now, aren’t you?”

Ouch! Buoyant? Give me a break! Buoyant? Did I hear that right? For a few seconds I was totally speechless and just looked at him. Finally, he must have felt my eyes boring into the side of his face because he turned, looked at me and said, “What?

Oh my, talk about digging a hole!  “Buoyant, you mean FAT?”

You could almost see the light bulb appear over his head as he reddened and said, “No, that’s not what I meant. Not at all. I’m just saying that you’re older and could probably learn to swim now.”

Deciding that he needed to be kept on the hook a while longer, I said, “Oh, so now I’m OLD and FAT? You certainly do have a way with words, Sweetie.”

We finally broke into laughter, knowing that some time, fairly soon, he would stick his foot in his mouth again, and again I would enjoy razzing him. The fact that we can laugh together over such silly things is just one of the reasons we are so happy together.

Women are from Venus; Men are from Mars? No, I sometimes think men are from a ‘galaxy far, far away.

We all need to laugh at ourselves. It’s good for your health.

© copyright Donna Hale Chandler

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Please check us out at:   
amazon.com/author/richard-lee-king/
amazon.com/author/donnachandler
Kindle versions of most of our books are available at only 99 cents.

Family, Humorous

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO . . . has witnessed a bank robbery?

Donna Chandler

Quite a few years ago (more years than I’d like to admit) I was a bank branch manager in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  The day started out much like every other.

There were 4 tellers, all at their stations, behind bullet-resistant glass.  My desk, on the other hand, sat at the end of the lobby, no walls, no door, no bullet-resistant glass.  The morning had been rather slow when I heard a voice say ‘Give me all the money.”  I looked up, rather annoyed, because I didn’t think this joke was very funny.  It only took a few seconds to realize that this was not a joke.  There was a young man at the first teller window and he repeated, “Give me all the money.”

My first thought was to try to make myself invisible as I sat there in plain sight with no protection around me.  Since that was impossible, my second thought was to sit very still and perhaps he wouldn’t notice me.  As I reached under my desk to push the silent alarm button, I noticed for the first time, the young woman at the second teller window.

I practiced my best mind control to send her a message to be quiet and not do anything crazy.  I watched in horror as she slowly began backing away from the window toward the entrance.  I kept thinking, “no, no, don’t move. Don’t startle him.”  It was impossible for me to tell whether or not he had a gun but I assumed he did.  I held my breath as the young woman finally reached the entrance.

Once at the door, she turned, slammed the door open and began screaming.  This caught the attention of the robber as he stuffed money into his pockets.  He quickly turned and ran for the door also.  I immediately got up to lock the front door, as we’d been instructed to do if ever robbed.  Peeking out I saw no sign of the young man but I did spot the young woman, running down the middle of the busy street, screaming and waving her arms.

For some reason, the police never responded to our silent alarm.  All employees automatically began the robbery procedures that were reviewed every month.  Without talking to each other, every employee began writing down a description of the young man while I called the main office to report what happened.

I first called 911 and then our main office to report to them what happened, and the officer there called the FBI

The FBI showed up at the wrong bank and completely confused the staff there when they came barreling in to investigate a robbery.  By the time the FBI found their way to our branch, the guy had already been caught and was sitting in the back of the police car for the teller to identify him.

It seems the man had just been released from jail, which was just a few blocks from the bank.  He didn’t have any money so he walked to the first bank he came to, robbed it, and then walked up the street.  The police said it was once of the easiest capture of a bad guy that they had made for quite a while.

I never received an explanation as to why there was no response to our alarm, even though I pushed my button as did the tellers. Perhaps for Christmas we should have given the police officers a course on responding to alarms and given to the FBI a map so they can find their way to the next robbery.

P.S. I’ve often wondered what happened to the screaming woman in the street and how far she had to run before someone called the men in the white coats to escort her to a padded cell. 

©Donna Hale Chandler

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Please check us out at:   
amazon.com/author/richard-lee-king/
amazon.com/author/donnachandler

Kindle versions of our books are available at only 99 cents.